PDA

View Full Version : Women



Pages : [1] 2

Zidovain
02-11-2010, 11:34 PM
No offense to the Ladies of CA.. :p

smokeytripod
02-11-2010, 11:38 PM
lol @ tht ;P

Zidovain
02-11-2010, 11:57 PM
lol @ tht ;P

:D Just to spice up a good day..

Shadron
02-12-2010, 12:16 AM
inb4getinthekitchen

Treff1975
02-12-2010, 12:20 AM
inb4getinthekitchen

notice that in the final one..the female never even makes it to the Gap

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 12:30 AM
notice that in the final one..the female never even makes it to the Gap

LOL! Im sure every guy can relate to that.

Women and shopping -- inseparable

Hels
02-12-2010, 12:35 AM
OMG... did my husband send you those?

(I'm KIDDING - very funny:))

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 12:39 AM
OMG... did my husband send you those?

LOL no.. :D

Shadron
02-12-2010, 01:12 AM
notice that in the final one..the female never even makes it to the Gap

lol what i hate is after you go to the 2 or 3 stores you get pushed into going to 3 more that you NEED to go to. I have got to the point where if we go to more then what is said at the beginning of the trip we get to spend a half hour in best buy looking at video games. that has toned it down some.

dragonlady67
02-12-2010, 01:26 AM
lol. had to get hubby up from studying to see those. loved the msds. i work in a hospital. too funny.

omegawulph
02-12-2010, 01:50 AM
I have always seen the first one where power is equated to evil. So thus "Money is the root of all EVIL" and the proof goes on from there. lol Nice pics

Nafiza
02-12-2010, 02:33 AM
Lmao xD this is an awesome bunch of pictures!!! Hahaha, really liked the math equation, and the control buttons thingy...lol~ really adorable~ :]!! I don't feel offended, I just feel bad for the straight guys. I am glad I am a straight girl and don't have to deal with other girls ^___^~ so it sucks for you guys ;p

Dragonomine
02-12-2010, 02:37 AM
Well someone isn't getting lucky for Valentine's Day.

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 02:58 AM
lol. had to get hubby up from studying to see those. loved the msds. i work in a hospital. too funny.

LOL! so what did he say? :D

jaadkins2006
02-12-2010, 03:18 AM
notice that in the final one..the female never even makes it to the Gap

lol, didn't even catch that the first time I looked at it

illusion1287
02-12-2010, 03:24 AM
sooooo funny! :)

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 04:05 AM
I have always seen the first one where power is equated to evil. So thus "Money is the root of all EVIL" and the proof goes on from there. lol Nice pics

Lol! there is a lot of fact in that statement. Evil comes in many forms... and women is but the deadliest form :D

But evil is such a strong word.. ill go with problems :p

solkyro
02-12-2010, 04:28 AM
tagal na nyan ah :rolleyes:

hehehe

Dragonomine
02-12-2010, 04:38 AM
tagal na nyan ah :rolleyes:

hehehe



You know, I actually got the translator out for that. lol

solkyro
02-12-2010, 05:04 AM
You know, I actually got the translator out for that. lol

and what does it say :rolleyes::D

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 05:50 AM
tagal na nyan ah :rolleyes:

hehehe

Medyo.. pero patok pa rin. tuwang tuwa mga guilty chicks ;)

sino kaya mga magaganda dito sa CA?

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 06:18 AM
Lmao xD this is an awesome bunch of pictures!!! Hahaha, really liked the math equation, and the control buttons thingy...lol~ really adorable~ :]!! I don't feel offended, I just feel bad for the straight guys. I am glad I am a straight girl and don't have to deal with other girls ^___^~ so it sucks for you guys ;p

LOL! glad you liked it... i assume you could definitely relate to the pics above.. :D

no need to feel bad for us.. errr we just have to put up with that.. "most of the time". its like.. pretending we're listening when in fact we're not. :D

Defyeler
02-12-2010, 06:42 AM
ROFLMFAO.. so damned accurate, my credit card hurts... literally....

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 06:44 AM
ROFLMFAO.. so damned accurate, my credit card hurts... literally....

LOL! you know what they say, if somebody stole your credit card, leave it be! The theif will spend less than your wife! :D

solkyro
02-12-2010, 06:45 AM
Medyo.. pero patok pa rin. tuwang tuwa mga guilty chicks ;)

sino kaya mga magaganda dito sa CA?

meron sa army ko :rolleyes:

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 06:55 AM
meron sa army ko :rolleyes:

LOL sino? add ko cya :D

Jstar
02-12-2010, 07:01 AM
Hehehe! Im female and that last drawing cracks me up..Im the one who takes the guys route {I HATE shopping} and my sister would take the females route..at least twice.:D

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 07:09 AM
Hehehe! Im female and that last drawing cracks me up..Im the one who takes the guys route {I HATE shopping} and my sister would take the females route..at least twice.:D

LOL! once is already too much but twice...? Thats a lot of shopping!

Just curious.. so why take the guys route? :rolleyes:

Lady MousePotato
02-12-2010, 07:36 AM
Hehehe! Im female and that last drawing cracks me up..Im the one who takes the guys route {I HATE shopping} and my sister would take the females route..at least twice.:D

I agree! Female here and I hate shopping, for clothes anyway. Now, get me into Home Depot or a (horse) Tack shop and I won't come out til they close...

Amusing story, though, that I must add... A few weeks ago, Mr. Potato and I were out shopping at Tractor Supply (yes, we live in the country). He picked up a pair of Wranglers and bought them just as quickly and efficiently as any guy. Well, when we got home Mr. Potato (who is ever so much older than twenty) discovered he no longer has a 30 inch waist and the jeans had to be returned. Guess who had to drive the 20+ miles back to the store and spend a good hour because he couldn't take the time to try on a pair of jeans? Hint: it wasn't his secretary.

I do like your pictures anyway. :D

solkyro
02-12-2010, 07:37 AM
LOL sino? add ko cya :D

bawal yun :D

Lessian
02-12-2010, 07:43 AM
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

:p

tricker
02-12-2010, 07:51 AM
Does anyone else wonder, if she's just going to go "window shopping," then why does she need my credit card?

Lady MousePotato
02-12-2010, 07:54 AM
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

:p

Sounds like something to be found in Aristotle's second book of poetics (for those who know the reference).

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 07:57 AM
I agree! Female here and I hate shopping, for clothes anyway. Now, get me into Home Depot or a (horse) Tack shop and I won't come out til they close...

Amusing story, though, that I must add... A few weeks ago, Mr. Potato and I were out shopping at Tractor Supply (yes, we live in the country). He picked up a pair of Wranglers and bought them just as quickly and efficiently as any guy. Well, when we got home Mr. Potato (who is ever so much older than twenty) discovered he no longer has a 30 inch waist and the jeans had to be returned. Guess who had to drive the 20+ miles back to the store and spend a good hour because he couldn't take the time to try on a pair of jeans? Hint: it wasn't his secretary.

I do like your pictures anyway. :D

LOL! Im sure mrs potato didnt like that. :p but it couldnt be so bad.., with 20+ miles mrs potato had all the time to take it out on mr potato. :D

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 07:59 AM
bawal yun :D

swapang amf... baka naman kinacarreer mo na kaya bawal :p

freindly ba cya? :D

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 08:04 AM
Does anyone else wonder, if she's just going to go "window shopping," then why does she need my credit card?

--Compromise in marriage is an amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.


"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

:p

LOL, LOL and LOL!

-- Everything I owe, I owe because of my wife.

solkyro
02-12-2010, 08:06 AM
swapang amf... baka naman kinacarreer mo na kaya bawal :p

freindly ba cya? :D

eh may asawa na yun eh kaya bawal :rolleyes:

friendly naman siya talaga :rolleyes:

Shade123
02-12-2010, 08:15 AM
You know, men went to the gap for some pants and his wife says "Ok honey, meanwhile, ill just look into this one shop, we will meet in few minutes in the car, bye"

True is, that succesful man is the one who is able to earn more money then his wife can spend. Succesful woman is the one who is able to find that guy. :D

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 08:23 AM
You know, men went to the gap for some pants and his wife says "Ok honey, meanwhile, ill just look into this one shop, we will meet in few minutes in the car, bye"

True is, that succesful man is the one who is able to earn more money then his wife can spend. Succesful woman is the one who is able to find that guy. :D

LMFAO!

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

Shade123
02-12-2010, 08:34 AM
There are two rules in happy marriage.
Rule 1: "Never argue with your wife"
Rule 2: "If you have to, remember rule #1, coz even if your right, you will still lose"

Umar
02-12-2010, 09:01 AM
You know, men went to the gap for some pants and his wife says "Ok honey, meanwhile, ill just look into this one shop, we will meet in few minutes in the car, bye"

True is, that succesful man is the one who is able to earn more money then his wife can spend. Succesful woman is the one who is able to find that guy. :D

hahahaha....that was an awesome laugh! :D

@ TC .. those pics are hilarious especially the shopping one:D

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 09:05 AM
There are two rules in happy marriage.
Rule 1: "Never argue with your wife"
Rule 2: "If you have to, remember rule #1, coz even if your right, you will still lose"

Rule 3: whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Rule 4: whenever you're right, shut up.

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 09:07 AM
hahahaha....that was an awesome laugh! :D

@ TC .. those pics are hilarious especially the shopping one:D

haha! everybody likes that one. it never get's old. :D

ttazzman
02-12-2010, 09:16 AM
This is all so true and about the funniest thread ever!! MY WIFE IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Daenerys Targaryen
02-12-2010, 11:20 AM
... I am right almost all of the time. And that is not just because I wont let him win... I just do my research. Lol... I'm not that bad at shopping, although, I do kinda go nuts for no good reason occasionally. Liked the "reacts well to..." one, that was awesome. :p

Chippy
02-12-2010, 05:40 PM
ROFLMFAO.. so damned accurate, my credit card hurts... literally....

Is that all? My credit card declared bankruptcy, then shred itself into pieces, and finally burned up into smoke. And I'm not even married yet :(

Tokolosk
02-12-2010, 05:51 PM
http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/6266/fbrain.jpg
http://img4.imageshack.us/img4/5110/mbrain.jpg
http://img85.imageshack.us/img85/7052/gen072.jpg

Tokolosk
02-12-2010, 05:52 PM
http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/628/gen001.jpg
http://img39.imageshack.us/img39/2984/gen154.jpg
http://img522.imageshack.us/img522/1203/gen153.jpg

Tokolosk
02-12-2010, 05:53 PM
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/79/protester.jpg
http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/2545/dumbchik.jpg

A few I had lying around :D

Chippy
02-12-2010, 06:06 PM
Also, women cant drive or park very well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rHY1qKLLws

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 06:37 PM
... I am right almost all of the time. And that is not just because I wont let him win... I just do my research. Lol... I'm not that bad at shopping, although, I do kinda go nuts for no good reason occasionally. Liked the "reacts well to..." one, that was awesome. :p

LOL!

and tokolosk would even further elaborate the "reaction" :D

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 06:42 PM
@ tokolosk - absolutely hilarious! :D

The Toilet aiming cell and the listening particle is just awesome! its ridculous!

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 06:45 PM
Also, women cant drive or park very well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rHY1qKLLws

LOL! that SUV literally plunged into icy water! :D

Dragonomine
02-12-2010, 06:50 PM
Actually the largest part of my brain is the part that tells me that I don't have enough shoes. :)

mith
02-12-2010, 06:53 PM
Actually the largest part of my brain is the part that tells me that I don't have enough shoes. :)

One for each foot?

Zidovain
02-12-2010, 06:53 PM
Actually the largest part of my brain is the part that tells me that I don't have enough shoes. :)

Women cant get enough of that :D

The unstoppable urge to shop! in your case.. shoes :p

Dragonomine
02-12-2010, 06:57 PM
Women cant get enough of that :D

The unstoppable urge to shop! in your case.. shoes :p

I have exactly one pair of gym shoes. The rest are various heels, sandals and boots. (and fuzzy slippers)

tricker
02-12-2010, 07:34 PM
@ tokolosk - absolutely hilarious! :D

The Toilet aiming cell and the listening particle is just awesome! its ridculous!
Why does those even exist?

Faldaga
02-12-2010, 08:23 PM
Am I the only one that though Zido's avatar was a picture of a mutilated *****?

After closer observation, which I did in fear of staring that close - I can see a dog.

Then again, I might be wrong still and just seeing a dog so I don't leave a scar on my brain from the "OMG WTF IS THAT!"

A bit off-topic, but I couldn't get past it...

Tari
02-12-2010, 08:27 PM
*rofl*

:p

omegawulph
02-12-2010, 08:35 PM
Am I the only one that though Zido's avatar was a picture of a mutilated *****?

After closer observation, which I did in fear of staring that close - I can see a dog.

Then again, I might be wrong still and just seeing a dog so I don't leave a scar on my brain from the "OMG WTF IS THAT!"

A bit off-topic, but I couldn't get past it...

Ive always thought it was something sick myself. You aren't alone. Never been able to look long enough to figure it out, like you, because I haz a scared that I might be right! lol

ODragon
02-12-2010, 08:59 PM
Am I the only one that though Zido's avatar was a picture of a mutilated *****?
I thought it was something bad also.

Tokolosk
02-12-2010, 09:34 PM
Am I the only one that though Zido's avatar was a picture of a mutilated *****?
I had the same thought! My condolences to the dog.

LOK_the_great
02-13-2010, 12:25 AM
Also, women cant drive or park very well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rHY1qKLLws



BAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!

That wins the internet! Good show you :D

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 01:11 AM
Am I the only one that though Zido's avatar was a picture of a mutilated *****?

After closer observation, which I did in fear of staring that close - I can see a dog.

Then again, I might be wrong still and just seeing a dog so I don't leave a scar on my brain from the "OMG WTF IS THAT!"

A bit off-topic, but I couldn't get past it...

LOL! thats my dog, Judas! he's a pitbull of the fighting line. he's not mutilated, lol that's just bizarre.. he's just asleep ;)

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 01:13 AM
Why does those even exist?

It's almost non-existent... but we eventually need to aim at "things" sometime :rolleyes:

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 01:17 AM
Ive always thought it was something sick myself. You aren't alone. Never been able to look long enough to figure it out, like you, because I haz a scared that I might be right! lol

LOL! you guys have a very vivid imagination. :p

My dog just sleeps that way, sometimes with his tongue hangin' :D and just to add more detail on that, he gives off air while he's sleeping.

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 01:25 AM
I had the same thought! My condolences to the dog.

Hey, he's not that ugly to be mistaken of a mutilated dog.. :(

He's actually cute... when i take him for a walk, girls would come and say "hi, what a nice dog.. i hope he doesnt bite. whats his name.., and whats your name?" :D

omegawulph
02-13-2010, 01:29 AM
LOL! you guys have a very vivid imagination. :p

My dog just sleeps that way, sometimes with his tongue hangin' :D and just to add more detail on that, he gives off air while he's sleeping.

It is more of the color scheme and the angling. I seriously can't tell there is a dog in that picture. No offense, just the size and stuff of the picture. lol

Edit: And with that statement I finally see the dog. I feel like the dude from Mallrats!!

Faldaga
02-13-2010, 05:58 AM
I am glad I was not alone in my thoughts on this ^.^

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 06:06 AM
I am glad I was not alone in my thoughts on this ^.^

LOL! you're not yet over this, arent you?

Ill probably upload a new pic with my dog looking alive... errr awake :D

Nafiza
02-13-2010, 06:36 AM
LOL! you're not yet over this, arent you?

Ill probably upload a new pic with my dog looking alive... errr awake :D

lol o.o; I think the problem is that the avatar is small :/~ I had to go up close to it to see it was a dog, but yeah I guess if people just scrolled over it, it would look weird...:x~ but awws, sleepy doggy~<3

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 06:45 AM
lol o.o; I think the problem is that the avatar is small :/~ I had to go up close to it to see it was a dog, but yeah I guess if people just scrolled over it, it would look weird...:x~ but awws, sleepy doggy~<3

Thanks Nafiza.. Aint he cute? :D

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 06:48 AM
Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

Sweet!

Troll
02-13-2010, 06:49 AM
Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

Sweet!

Not true. I prefer fun time before hand then ;) then cuddling.

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 07:03 AM
I haven't spoken to my GF in weeks - I don't want to interrupt her. :p

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 07:07 AM
ROFLMFAO.. so damned accurate, my credit card hurts... literally....

this looks applicable to most of us.

Daenerys Targaryen
02-13-2010, 10:31 AM
Tommorrow I'm going to be doing that! I'm going to a fancy dinner!!! Althouhg, technically I am going to be paying... (we live together and he lost his job) but thats okay, he is gonna be paying with his card. Lol.

waxlion
02-13-2010, 02:40 PM
Why men are hestitant to get married (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ff13zZ0h0k&feature=PlayList&p=FFA34DF91010FFD9&index=30)

How men shop... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQR9WSO6xU4&NR=1)

How women and men shop together... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uXYzb7J_KM&feature=related)

What we're REALLY thinking (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fubioQEe8k&feature=related)


Why men can't SAY what they're thinking... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrJIOMeyhmk&feature=related)

Guilty as charged... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--H3Dy8FGN0&feature=related)

Dragonomine
02-13-2010, 02:48 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v466/Dragonomine/Stuff/funny5.jpg

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 03:25 PM
Why men are hestitant to get married (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ff13zZ0h0k&feature=PlayList&p=FFA34DF91010FFD9&index=30)

How men shop... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQR9WSO6xU4&NR=1)

How women and men shop together... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uXYzb7J_KM&feature=related)

What we're REALLY thinking (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fubioQEe8k&feature=related)


Why men can't SAY what they're thinking... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrJIOMeyhmk&feature=related)

Guilty as charged... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--H3Dy8FGN0&feature=related)

LMFAO! shopping for the palmtop was just hilarious!

omegawulph
02-13-2010, 04:08 PM
Some things just confound me ....

http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h71/omegawulph/womendriversitscutewhenyoutrytodoma.jpg

omegawulph
02-13-2010, 04:11 PM
Why men are hestitant to get married (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ff13zZ0h0k&feature=PlayList&p=FFA34DF91010FFD9&index=30)

How women and men shop together... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uXYzb7J_KM&feature=related)



Don't make wayne brady cut a .....




How men shop... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQR9WSO6xU4&NR=1)

What we're REALLY thinking (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fubioQEe8k&feature=related)


Why men can't SAY what they're thinking... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrJIOMeyhmk&feature=related)

Guilty as charged... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--H3Dy8FGN0&feature=related)

It's all true.

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 09:43 PM
Some things just confound me ....

http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h71/omegawulph/womendriversitscutewhenyoutrytodoma.jpg

ROFLMFAO!!!

This actually reminds me of someone i know! :D

Jstar
02-13-2010, 10:37 PM
Just curious.. so why take the guys route?

Because I'm one of those females who knows what she wants, and goes right straight to it...I get in, get what I want, and I'm out the door. My sister on the other-hand will go thru a store at least twice..look at stuff she has already seen twice, pick up stuff she may want, and put it back down several times...ugh! It drives me nuts and I refuse to shop with her LOL

Now I say I hate to shop, but thats clothing and such...now get me in a BestBuy store, or a computer place, and I'm not coming out till they kick me out hehehehe I'm such a geek. :D

omegawulph
02-13-2010, 10:45 PM
Just curious.. so why take the guys route?

Because I'm one of those females who knows what she wants, and goes right straight to it...I get in, get what I want, and I'm out the door. My sister on the other-hand will go thru a store at least twice..look at stuff she has already seen twice, pick up stuff she may want, and put it back down several times...ugh! It drives me nuts and I refuse to shop with her LOL

Now I say I hate to shop, but thats clothing and such...now get me in a BestBuy store, or a computer place, and I'm not coming out till they kick me out hehehehe I'm such a geek. :D

You have chosen the right thread. ;) lol

Tokolosk
02-13-2010, 10:50 PM
http://ladyfi.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/political-pictures-space-station-women-gravity.jpg?w=500&h=489

http://www.funnypicturefunnyphoto.com/funny-picture-photo-sign-women-skyguy-pic.jpg

http://feministing.com/imageStorage/12372823.jpg
/hides

omegawulph
02-13-2010, 10:59 PM
I think you lied. lol

Dragonomine
02-13-2010, 11:22 PM
Just curious.. so why take the guys route?

Because I'm one of those females who knows what she wants, and goes right straight to it...I get in, get what I want, and I'm out the door. My sister on the other-hand will go thru a store at least twice..look at stuff she has already seen twice, pick up stuff she may want, and put it back down several times...ugh! It drives me nuts and I refuse to shop with her LOL

Now I say I hate to shop, but thats clothing and such...now get me in a BestBuy store, or a computer place, and I'm not coming out till they kick me out hehehehe I'm such a geek. :D

I spent a blissful 90 minutes at Barnes and Noble reading a book and drinking a starbucks cinnamon frapp. Heaven.

Zidovain
02-13-2010, 11:37 PM
http://feministing.com/imageStorage/12372823.jpg
/hides[/QUOTE]

I cant imagine how they find that SEXY! lol! i cant find the logic to that! perhaps its like a husband that doesnt get shot for doing the dishes! :D

Nafiza
02-14-2010, 12:13 AM
http://feministing.com/imageStorage/12372823.jpg

A guy who chooses to clean...? I would marry him. Lmao.

Chippy
02-14-2010, 12:38 AM
http://feministing.com/imageStorage/12372823.jpg


A guy who chooses to clean...? I would marry him. Lmao.

What that picture doesnt show is the woman standing behind the man holding a whip :(

Nafiza
02-14-2010, 12:42 AM
What that picture doesnt show is the woman standing behind the man holding a whip :(

LOL shhhh~ I like preserving the innocent demeanor ;]~ don't ruin my cover~!
plus, no one has complained (thus far) about the idea of me holding a whip :rolleyes:~ so its not too terrible of an act~

omegawulph
02-14-2010, 12:42 AM
What that picture doesnt show is the woman standing behind the man holding a whip :(

No, what that picture doesn't show is that man's boyfriend behind him holding a whip. ;) lol

Nafiza
02-14-2010, 01:47 AM
No, what that picture doesn't show is that man's boyfriend behind him holding a whip. ;) lol

LOL aww man the gay guys are so lucky D:

omegawulph
02-14-2010, 01:50 AM
LOL aww man the gay guys are so lucky D:

I don't know about all that but that is just me.

Nafiza
02-14-2010, 01:53 AM
I don't know about all that but that is just me.

lol well thats just me, I always say the straight guys have the short end of the stick because they end up having to deal with girls and girls are reallly complicated and confusing lol

omegawulph
02-14-2010, 01:54 AM
lol well thats just me, I always say the straight guys have the short end of the stick because they end up having to deal with girls and girls are reallly complicated and confusing lol

+ infinity

Nafiza
02-14-2010, 02:00 AM
+ infinity

tyty ;D~ I understand your pain, but would never want to experience it hahaha. But, yeah, I don't who has it worse o.o straight guys, or lesbian women....it would be horrible to have to deal with synchronized PMS and still keep a relationship going lol~

omegawulph
02-14-2010, 02:01 AM
tyty ;D~ I understand your pain, but would never want to experience it hahaha. But, yeah, I don't who has it worse o.o straight guys, or lesbian women....it would be horrible to have to deal with synchronized PMS and still keep a relationship going lol~

I would say straight guys have it worse perhaps. Lesbian women have a different mentality from straight women.

Nafiza
02-14-2010, 02:05 AM
I would say straight guys have it worse perhaps. Lesbian women have a different mentality from straight women.

Yeah, I know, but biologically they are still like straight women...so they have to deal with menstrual cycles (although they say men go through menstrual cycles too but its something that's more bi-monthly)

Chippy
02-14-2010, 02:37 AM
I love lesbian women....wait, scratch that, my girlfriend's home....

brendejasRodeoClown
02-14-2010, 04:25 AM
me too and im a straight women. im pretty sure its not the alcohol talking. ;)

Pfatsch
02-14-2010, 04:32 AM
Hahaha so wait, gay guys have it made?

Well, maybe there's some truth to that ;)

omegawulph
02-14-2010, 04:38 AM
Yeah, I know, but biologically they are still like straight women...so they have to deal with menstrual cycles (although they say men go through menstrual cycles too but its something that's more bi-monthly)

Bi-monthly, because that is how often most men get paid and they know that their will be a gf tax? lol

Zidovain
02-14-2010, 05:02 AM
I love lesbian women....wait, scratch that, my girlfriend's home....

LOL! i like them too... :D

omegawulph
02-14-2010, 05:04 AM
The only problem with that is that they don't like you back in the same way. lol

Zidovain
02-14-2010, 05:21 AM
The only problem with that is that they don't like you back in the same way. lol


LOL! not always true. :D

brendejasRodeoClown
02-14-2010, 05:24 AM
The only problem with that is that they don't like you back in the same way. lol

you dont know what youre missing...:cool:

MarcuzZ WeReWuLvE
02-14-2010, 09:52 AM
Not meant to offend...but if it does.... byte meh~ ;P

here goes... a few stuff ive gotten off emails n such...thot i'd share...

1st:
"women are the best motors. accept any size piston, are self lubricating, start up with a finger, changes oil every four weeks and a full tank lasts 9 mths"



2nd:
TO: ALL SMART WOMEN (so you thought)

A Woman was out golfing one day when she
hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and
found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If
you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there
was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you
wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay." For her
first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful
woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most
handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I
will be the most beautiful Woman and he will
have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful
Woman in the world! For her second wish,
she wanted to be the richest woman in the
world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband
the richest man in the world. And he will be
ten times richer than you. "

The woman said, "That's okay, because
what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the
world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish,
and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart
attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't
mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of
the joke for you. Stop here and continue
feeling good.




Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder
than his wife!!!



and finallly...the best for last!!!


Prayers?

FEMALE PRAYER :
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.

(awwww rite? pfffft.)


MALE PRAYER :
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge
b0obs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t
Amen

ROFL. thats it for now..gotta search the rest of my saved stff for pics n quotes n such...will post em later if i do get em. ENJOY!

Zidovain
02-14-2010, 10:04 AM
1st:
"women are the best motors. accept any size piston, are self lubricating, start up with a finger, changes oil every four weeks and a full tank lasts 9 mths"

MALE PRAYER :
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge
b0obs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t
Amen [/COLOR]

ROFL. thats it for now..gotta search the rest of my saved stff for pics n quotes n such...will post em later if i do get em. ENJOY!

LOL! LOL! and LOL! We'll wait and have a good laugh about it. Cheers! :D

MarcuzZ WeReWuLvE
02-14-2010, 10:22 AM
heh ...few pics i managed to find..still doesnt beat the Hazardous material data sheet one...thts priceless...lol. theres another remote pic...but it aint letting me upload..so bleh~!

Zidovain
02-14-2010, 10:31 AM
heh ...few pics i managed to find..still doesnt beat the Hazardous material data sheet one...thts priceless...lol. theres another remote pic...but it aint letting me upload..so bleh~!

I gotta get one of those "she-mote controls"! :D

leppykahn
02-14-2010, 11:44 AM
There are two rules in happy marriage.
Rule 1: "Never argue with your wife"
Rule 2: "If you have to, remember rule #1, coz even if your right, you will still lose"

It's quotes like these that make me never want to get married.

That, and most guys will tell you if you ask them... "NEVER GET MARRIED."

Dragonomine
02-14-2010, 02:36 PM
It's quotes like these that make me never want to get married.

That, and most guys will tell you if you ask them... "NEVER GET MARRIED."

You don't think women say it too?

Nafiza
02-14-2010, 02:52 PM
You don't think women say it too?

Actually I say I never want to get married--its the guys that tell me eventually I'll change my mind...-_-

Zidovain
02-14-2010, 02:56 PM
It's quotes like these that make me never want to get married.

That, and most guys will tell you if you ask them... "NEVER GET MARRIED."

LOL! im sure you've heard, marriage has another name --> funeral! :D

Nafiza
02-14-2010, 03:14 PM
LOL! im sure you've heard, marriage has another name --> funeral! :D

I know I once wrote a quote warning men about marriage...
*looks for it*
*quotes me* "Gentlemen, once you find the right girl and wish to put that ring on her finger--just keep in mind, once you give her that ring, you also surrender your soul over to her. Good luck with that! ;D"

Zidovain
02-14-2010, 03:31 PM
I know I once wrote a quote warning men about marriage...
*looks for it*
*quotes me* "Gentlemen, once you find the right girl and wish to put that ring on her finger--just keep in mind, once you give her that ring, you also surrender your soul over to her. Good luck with that! ;D"

Surrenderring one's soul.. sends shivers down my spine. thats just creepy.

Dragonomine
02-14-2010, 04:03 PM
Actually I say I never want to get married--its the guys that tell me eventually I'll change my mind...-_-

I always say, if you'd like to have a family get married. If not, stay single.

omegawulph
02-14-2010, 05:20 PM
you dont know what youre missing...:cool:

I have plenty of lesbain friends. Nice try though. lmao

Chippy
02-14-2010, 06:07 PM
FEMALE PRAYER :
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.


MALE PRAYER :
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge
b0obs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t
Amen

Bahahaha, and that's how it's done!

Daenerys Targaryen
02-14-2010, 06:42 PM
... I am not sure how to respond to those poems.

Anyway, my guy cleans, he cooks, he's brilliant, fairly handsome, articulate, and doesn't agree with that poem. Lol, although it is pretty funny. Anyway... he also likes that I like girls, he has stooped to BEGGING me to have a girl freind at the same time, although I doubt that any guy actually realizes the complexity of a situation like that... anyway, so point of fact ( this is addressing earlier statements ) the females sexual orientation will vary rarely affect their perspectives on a situation, what will, is their personality. Claiming that a lesbian would instantly think differently from a straight woman is rife with bigotry. After all, homosexual men can still like beer and fishing, and know how to change a tire. They may even be more manly than a lot of straight men ( not to say all of them are, or even most, just that it is possible ). Their are many things in life that cannot be correlated to a particualr aspect of thier lives, Just live with it. Being so judgemental and distasteful just reflects on your veiws, not on who you are, but what you beleive/think. Just a thought.

leppykahn
02-14-2010, 09:43 PM
You don't think women say it too?

Yeah, they say often say it, but things tend to really change around 28-30. Then it seems many have the perspective that if they don't get married, the only choice is to become a man hating cat lady.

I still wonder why marriage is so romanticized, it's about the most useless thing I can think of. Is looking pretty in white really worth a lifetime of irritation?

omegawulph
02-14-2010, 10:03 PM
... I am not sure how to respond to those poems.

Anyway, my guy cleans, he cooks, he's brilliant, fairly handsome, articulate, and doesn't agree with that poem. Lol, although it is pretty funny. Anyway... he also likes that I like girls, he has stooped to BEGGING me to have a girl freind at the same time, although I doubt that any guy actually realizes the complexity of a situation like that... anyway, so point of fact ( this is addressing earlier statements ) the females sexual orientation will vary rarely affect their perspectives on a situation, what will, is their personality. Claiming that a lesbian would instantly think differently from a straight woman is rife with bigotry. After all, homosexual men can still like beer and fishing, and know how to change a tire. They may even be more manly than a lot of straight men ( not to say all of them are, or even most, just that it is possible ). Their are many things in life that cannot be correlated to a particualr aspect of thier lives, Just live with it. Being so judgemental and distasteful just reflects on your veiws, not on who you are, but what you beleive/think. Just a thought.

I think you have assumed a lot of one's view from a simple statement and your nice little rant here is true and has no correlation to what my views were on said statement.

Jstar
02-15-2010, 03:08 AM
I spent a blissful 90 minutes at Barnes and Noble reading a book and drinking a starbucks cinnamon frapp. Heaven.

Ohhh! I forgot about my voracious reading habits....so I'll amend my statement earlier..BestBuy, Computer Stores, and Hastings Books :D

Dragonomine
02-15-2010, 03:53 AM
Yeah, they say often say it, but things tend to really change around 28-30. Then it seems many have the perspective that if they don't get married, the only choice is to become a man hating cat lady.

I still wonder why marriage is so romanticized, it's about the most useless thing I can think of. Is looking pretty in white really worth a lifetime of irritation?

LOL Depends. I don't have to work outside the home. I just take care of the kids and house. I'm on the computer like it was a full time job and get to watch soaps all afternoon. Not to mention not being afraid of catching an STD and knowing I'm gonna have a good time every time. Yup, I got it pretty cushy. :)

Conrose
02-15-2010, 05:04 AM
A guy who chooses to clean...? I would marry him. Lmao.

I choose to clean, but only because I can't stand a mess... unless it's a pile of M:tG cards I'm sorting through trying to find cards I may like trying to make use of.

Daenerys Targaryen
02-15-2010, 07:35 AM
I think you have assumed a lot of one's view from a simple statement and your nice little rant here is true and has no correlation to what my views were on said statement.

This was not directed at you inparticular. Was that an attempt at self glorifacation? Well, in anycase, if you felt the need to respond then there must be some truth, otherwise you would have left it alone. I am sorry if you interpreted my statements in a negative way, I suppose I should have worded myself beter. If you do feel insulted, and pushed into making this comment attacking me in particular, then I am sorry. I do however, stand by my assertions. I left it vague and didn't point out names for a reason, the main one being that I cannot be sure what any individuals motivations were, I did not quote for the same reason. If I had quoted you, you could well assume that I was directing what I said at you, however, it was an overall response to the thread, at those individuals who may need that insight. If you feel that isn't you, then it wasn't directed at you. The point was not to address the poems, as I find them humorous, but to address an idea. Thank you for your response though.

Daenerys Targaryen
02-15-2010, 07:42 AM
Yeah, they say often say it, but things tend to really change around 28-30. Then it seems many have the perspective that if they don't get married, the only choice is to become a man hating cat lady.

I still wonder why marriage is so romanticized, it's about the most useless thing I can think of. Is looking pretty in white really worth a lifetime of irritation?

LOL! The reason marriage is romanticized is because people have an inherent need to feel special in some way, and people dislike being alone and "unloved." Those combined make people wish that when they do find someone that they feel they can tolerate for an extended period of time (that being years) they often wish for things to occure in a particular manner. This being said, you are obsolutely right, marriage is next to worthless, unless you feel the emotional need to have that status symbol and feeling of security that a legally recognized coupling brings. After all, relationships in the long run are about procreation. Everything else is either a burden, or icing on the cake. Any idea of romance is pointless, but so is hope, and yet we need both things to have a happier existence. I know that seems like a large assumption to make, however, there isn't a single person that doesn't benefit from a stable, happy, coupling. Even if it never resualts in marriage, the relationship asspect is what is important, and that is what makes my point valid, even if to only me. Do realize, this is just my opinion, and there is no need for anyone to get offended. :p

omegawulph
02-15-2010, 09:18 AM
This was not directed at you inparticular. Was that an attempt at self glorifacation? Well, in anycase, if you felt the need to respond then there must be some truth, otherwise you would have left it alone. I am sorry if you interpreted my statements in a negative way, I suppose I should have worded myself beter. If you do feel insulted, and pushed into making this comment attacking me in particular, then I am sorry. I do however, stand by my assertions. I left it vague and didn't point out names for a reason, the main one being that I cannot be sure what any individuals motivations were, I did not quote for the same reason. If I had quoted you, you could well assume that I was directing what I said at you, however, it was an overall response to the thread, at those individuals who may need that insight. If you feel that isn't you, then it wasn't directed at you. The point was not to address the poems, as I find them humorous, but to address an idea. Thank you for your response though.

Okay .

Canine
02-15-2010, 12:30 PM
LOL, ROLF, LMAO, etc., etc.

Zidovain
02-15-2010, 02:32 PM
Before Marriage

http://lists.apagnu.se/hypermail/humor/att-0333/before_marriage.jpg


After Marriage

http://lists.apagnu.se/hypermail/humor/att-0333/after_marriage.jpg

Dragonomine
02-15-2010, 03:21 PM
Before Marriage

http://lists.apagnu.se/hypermail/humor/att-0333/before_marriage.jpg


After Marriage

http://lists.apagnu.se/hypermail/humor/att-0333/after_marriage.jpg



heeheee Love it

Conrose
02-15-2010, 04:53 PM
... I am not sure how to respond to those poems.

Anyway, my guy cleans, he cooks, he's brilliant, fairly handsome, articulate, and doesn't agree with that poem. Lol, although it is pretty funny. Anyway... he also likes that I like girls, he has stooped to BEGGING me to have a girl freind at the same time, although I doubt that any guy actually realizes the complexity of a situation like that... anyway, so point of fact ( this is addressing earlier statements ) the females sexual orientation will vary rarely affect their perspectives on a situation, what will, is their personality. Claiming that a lesbian would instantly think differently from a straight woman is rife with bigotry. After all, homosexual men can still like beer and fishing, and know how to change a tire. They may even be more manly than a lot of straight men ( not to say all of them are, or even most, just that it is possible ). Their are many things in life that cannot be correlated to a particualr aspect of thier lives, Just live with it. Being so judgemental and distasteful just reflects on your veiws, not on who you are, but what you beleive/think. Just a thought.

Reminds me of an episode of "Straight Plan for the Gay Man" where they had to do hardly any work to make this one guy's surroundings, clothes and what not to make him seem straight... I think they found like one CD that a "Straight man" wouldn't have and that was about it, lol.

Lessian
02-15-2010, 11:51 PM
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- Oscar Wilde
:p


I don't think that marriage is a worthless or outmoded way of life. I'm not married myself....it's not something I yearn for but I'm amenable to it. I think if you can find someone to spend your life with in love and happiness (most of the time ;) ) then you are a very lucky person.





Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
- Mark Twain


and yes I like quotations

Dragonomine
02-16-2010, 12:40 AM
Love is a verb, not an emotion.

Zidovain
02-16-2010, 01:33 AM
heeheee Love it

LOL! you can just imagine what constant nagging does to a man's sanity..

Dragonomine
02-16-2010, 01:34 AM
LOL! you can just imagine what constant nagging does to a man's sanity..

Not to mention his masculinity.
.

Lady MousePotato
02-16-2010, 05:10 AM
LOL! you can just imagine what constant nagging does to a man's sanity..

"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths" -I forgot who said this

Anyway, on the marriage subject, I think the problem is not that it's a worthless sacrament, but rather that society has indeed romanticized it to death. Mr. Potato and I have been together about seven years. No, it has not been a walk through paradise, but the romance is still there. It's just... different. If you've never been happily married, you simply won't understand. For Valentine's Day I got a dozen tulips (my favorites) a card that read "I love you just the way you are... Willing to put up with me!" and a takeout pizza from another town. The tulips are obvious, the card was funny (but so true, he said) and the pizza...? Well, I hadn't had a pizza that didn't come from the freezer since last summer because there are no delivery places where we live. He knows how hard it is for me to adjust to living in the country after almost two decades in the big city and he wanted me to have a taste of home (no pun intended). It was one of the most romantic things he's ever done for me. Then we rented a movie and he fell asleep after the first 20 minutes (like he always does) and I enjoyed the rest all cuddled up beside him.

That's marriage. Happy marriage. Romantic marriage. It probably sounds boring to some of you, especially the younger ones. That's fine. Just remember - I am done with first dates and awkward fix ups and I have someone who is required by law to listen to my long-winded lectures on the patrimonial motivations of Henry VIII while I scrape horse poop off my hot pink muck boots. Try getting that out of the flavor of the month!

Chippy
02-16-2010, 05:34 AM
Love is a verb, not an emotion.

Really??? No wonder I don't understand it :confused:

MarcuzZ WeReWuLvE
02-16-2010, 08:13 AM
ok...cant find anymore stuff....must be in the other computer... BOOoooOO!!

anyways.... anyone know of any hawt deaf mute nymphomaniacs to introduce? i can make do without the liquor store... u cant have it all rite? eeeehehehe ;)

Lena Gkika
02-16-2010, 10:11 AM
MALE PRAYER :
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge
b0obs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t
Amen

they forgot "orphaned" & "preferably with twin sister"..also "can cook" :D

but when did men got it right first time :p :p ? (kidding..not)

leppykahn
02-16-2010, 10:31 AM
LOL! The reason marriage is romanticized is because people have an inherent need to feel special in some way, and people dislike being alone and "unloved." Those combined make people wish that when they do find someone that they feel they can tolerate for an extended period of time (that being years) they often wish for things to occure in a particular manner. This being said, you are obsolutely right, marriage is next to worthless, unless you feel the emotional need to have that status symbol and feeling of security that a legally recognized coupling brings. After all, relationships in the long run are about procreation. Everything else is either a burden, or icing on the cake. Any idea of romance is pointless, but so is hope, and yet we need both things to have a happier existence. I know that seems like a large assumption to make, however, there isn't a single person that doesn't benefit from a stable, happy, coupling. Even if it never resualts in marriage, the relationship asspect is what is important, and that is what makes my point valid, even if to only me. Do realize, this is just my opinion, and there is no need for anyone to get offended. :p

I can see what you are saying mostly. So few long term couples around me who truly seem happy. People are bossy and hard to live with. And the expectations are sky-high, especially from the woman's side. And even in a relationship, so many seem to think you shouldn't do anything without the other person. Where I think the reason so many fail is simply because they don't get a break from each other that isn't somehow tied to work. How is it the end of the world if she has a "girls night out" or he goes golfing with his friends or watches football on Sunday.

I don't particularly need spawn, and tend to prefer highly intelligent women who would probably pull their hair out being home all the time tending to diapers, drool, and dusting. A coupling is nice, but they do end. People being aligned through very different phases of life is pretty rare. Marriage is something nearly every woman wants to experience once, but the expectations are ludicrous. And so many people (both genders) immediately put on 30-40 lbs as soon as they are comfortable. It seems so much better to me when both people are still actively trying, and being tied to someone so often breeds contempt.

Zidovain
02-16-2010, 11:53 AM
Not to mention his masculinity.
.

LOL! sucking out the life from us.. so cruel. :rolleyes:

Zidovain
02-16-2010, 12:08 PM
"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths" -I forgot who said this


Acceptable but not entirely true. :p

For some reason, the females of our species is genetically programmed to nag. :D

Being engineered to nag females are.. Perhaps the listening particle in a man's brain shrunk through evolution from a lobe to a particle (not even a cell).. and so, explains why men have evolved into poor listeners. :D It is a sort of adaptation, an attempt to keep sanity intact. :D

Zidovain
02-16-2010, 12:16 PM
they forgot "orphaned" & "preferably with twin sister"..also "can cook" :D

but when did men got it right first time :p :p ? (kidding..not)


LOL! orphaned is good.. no mother in-law.. yeeesh!

With a twin... rawr!

Can cook.. perfect!

agedbeef
02-16-2010, 12:24 PM
LOL! orphaned is good.. no mother in-law.. yeeesh!

With a twin... rawr!

Can cook.. perfect!

Well.. twin is not enough.. how about triplet?

1. cook, laundry, dishes, house duties
2. work and make $$ and never complains
3. pleasures :D

what a life...

Zidovain
02-16-2010, 12:28 PM
If men wrote advice columns...


Q: My husband/boyfriend wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously he cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral s*x on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.



Q: My husband/boyfriend continually asks me to perform oral s*x on him.

A: Do it. Sem*n can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral s*x on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.



Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral s*x on him. Then cook him a nice meal.



Q: My husband doesn't know where my Cl*t*ris is.

A: Your Cl*t*ris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral s*x on him and cook him a delicious meal.



Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. S*x should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral s*x and cooking him a nice meal.



Q: My husband always has an org*sm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

Lena Gkika
02-16-2010, 01:00 PM
http://i.imgur.com/A1BuB.jpg

Lady MousePotato
02-16-2010, 04:16 PM
Acceptable but not entirely true. :p

For some reason, the females of our species is genetically programmed to nag. :D

Being engineered to nag females are.. Perhaps the listening particle in a man's brain shrunk through evolution from a lobe to a particle (not even a cell).. and so, explains why men have evolved into poor listeners. :D It is a sort of adaptation, an attempt to keep sanity intact. :D

I think nagging is an adaptation as well. Women are (or were) not raised to be assertive, so they nag instead of demand. I do not nag. I treat my husband like any dog, horse or child. I ask him nicely once. Once. If he does not comply, he will regret it!!

Lessian
02-17-2010, 01:00 AM
And the expectations are sky-high, especially from the woman's side.

:rolleyes:

Men may not have the sky-high expectations of some women regarding marriage, but they have sky-high expectations in other areas. Their partner must look how they think she should look, dress how they think she should, be intelligent, confident without being demanding, let you get away with anything without "nagging" and be a nympho with a twin sister who loves to cook as well.

Heaven forbid if she likes to wear sweatpants on occasion or not like to spend hours in the kitchen.

Sheesh.

brendejasRodeoClown
02-17-2010, 04:23 AM
Really??? No wonder I don't understand it :confused:

youre not alone. love sometimes feels forced like a wedding engagement. lol :)

i used to confuse the word wedding with funeral. id ask 'how was the funeral?' and never notice. im just happy i never confused funeral with wedding.

Zidovain
02-17-2010, 05:20 AM
I think nagging is an adaptation as well. Women are (or were) not raised to be assertive, so they nag instead of demand. I do not nag. I treat my husband like any dog, horse or child. I ask him nicely once. Once. If he does not comply, he will regret it!!

You are cruel.. :p I feel sorry for mr apple.

MarcuzZ WeReWuLvE
02-17-2010, 08:07 AM
lol zido.... missed that advice column thinghy whinghy....got it saved now...whaahahahah... and rofl..the newspaper article...cant believe dats for real...omgzor.. saved that as well...

and yes...weddings being funerals..wheneva i can..i usually congratulate the female and ask her to pass on my condolences to her husband... that always gets the evil look shot my way.... heheh.

brendejasRodeoClown
02-17-2010, 08:13 AM
lol zido.... missed that advice column thinghy whinghy....got it saved now...whaahahahah... and rofl..the newspaper article...cant believe dats for real...omgzor.. saved that as well...

and yes...weddings being funerals..wheneva i can..i usually congratulate the female and ask her to pass on my condolences to her husband... that always gets the evil look shot my way.... heheh.

that was too funny :D

Nafiza
02-17-2010, 03:48 PM
i usually congratulate the female and ask her to pass on my condolences to her husband... that always gets the evil look shot my way.... heheh.

;] you should be careful, after all they say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned~ :x

Lady MousePotato
02-17-2010, 04:42 PM
You are cruel.. :p I feel sorry for mr apple.

He seems happy and our dog is well behaved. :p In fact, I pretty much never have to ask twice. He does everything I ask him to do. I guess it helps that I don't ask for much. Actually, it helps that I don't have to ask for much. If guys would just do the normal stuff people are expected to do in the course of their lives, they wouldn't get nagged. If it's your job to take out the trash and your failure to do so means we're stuck with it for another week, your woman should NOT have to ask you over and over again to take it out. It's part of being an adult. Man up and take care of your responsibilities. I do the laundry at our house. Should he have to ask me over and over again for clean t-shirts? If he asks me every day for three days is he nagging me?

Zidovain
02-18-2010, 03:14 AM
lol zido.... missed that advice column thinghy whinghy....got it saved now...whaahahahah... and rofl..the newspaper article...cant believe dats for real...omgzor.. saved that as well...

and yes...weddings being funerals..wheneva i can..i usually congratulate the female and ask her to pass on my condolences to her husband... that always gets the evil look shot my way.... heheh.

LOL! If you might find anything else to add just post it. im still not over that she-mote control! haha reminds me of the movie click.

LilKayla
02-18-2010, 03:28 AM
and that is why I have avoided posting in this thread.

Zidovain
02-18-2010, 04:31 AM
I just felt the need to repost this... It never gets old! :D

If men wrote advice columns...


Q: My husband/boyfriend wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously he cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral s*x on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.



Q: My husband/boyfriend continually asks me to perform oral s*x on him.

A: Do it. Sem*n can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral s*x on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.



Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral s*x on him. Then cook him a nice meal.



Q: My husband doesn't know where my Cl*t*ris is.

A: Your Cl*t*ris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral s*x on him and cook him a delicious meal.



Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. S*x should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral s*x and cooking him a nice meal.



Q: My husband always has an org*sm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

brendejasRodeoClown
02-18-2010, 04:51 AM
I just felt the need to repost this... It never gets old! :D

If men wrote advice columns...


Q: My husband/boyfriend wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously he cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral s*x on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.



Q: My husband/boyfriend continually asks me to perform oral s*x on him.

A: Do it. Sem*n can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral s*x on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.



Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral s*x on him. Then cook him a nice meal.



Q: My husband doesn't know where my Cl*t*ris is.

A: Your Cl*t*ris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral s*x on him and cook him a delicious meal.



Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. S*x should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral s*x and cooking him a nice meal.



Q: My husband always has an org*sm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

i only agree with the oral and 3some parts.

omegawulph
02-18-2010, 06:07 AM
i only agree with the oral and 3some parts.

The thing that concerns me the most is (not knowing if you are male/female)

That you would rather do all that than cook a nice meal.

OR

That you would get those and miss out on the nice meal as well!

Zidovain
02-18-2010, 06:28 AM
The thing that concerns me the most is (not knowing if you are male/female)

That you would rather do all that than cook a nice meal.

OR

That you would get those and miss out on the nice meal as well!

LMFAO! we will never know..

Kizer
02-18-2010, 06:38 AM
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j226/masterpockets/comeback.jpg

brendejasRodeoClown
02-18-2010, 07:16 AM
The thing that concerns me the most is (not knowing if you are male/female)

That you would rather do all that than cook a nice meal.

OR

That you would get those and miss out on the nice meal as well!

im female. and i didnt know that this was a serious thread. in that case i want the money upfront. :p

MarcuzZ WeReWuLvE
02-18-2010, 01:00 PM
haha nafiza... spose if i wasnt a scorpio that would scare me abit, but all the same.. i have a deathwish then ;)



and ZIDO...found one more! heheh...here we goooooooo : (ones in red are my favs)



How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer the sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ---> AHAHAHA ...luvz it luvz ittt!!!

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a wedding cake.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering. ----> hyuk hyuk hyuk~!

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me,"What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust."

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man. After that God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said to her,"I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said. "God, I wish I had your will power."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.


A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.



eeeeeeeeeeeehehehehehehehehe!!!!

MarcuzZ WeReWuLvE
02-18-2010, 01:11 PM
and another, ahaha ..rummaging thru my countless email inboxes...

99 REASONS BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

1. You can enjoy a beer all month.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.
5. When beer goes flat you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. Hangovers eventually go away.
8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
14. If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
15. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
16. A beer always goes down gently.
17. You can share a beer with your friends and enemies.
18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
19. A beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. A beer doesn't care when you come.
22. You can have a beer in public.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. Beer always comes in multiples of six.
26. Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer.
28. After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
29. A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
30. When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
31. You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
32. Beer looks the same in the morning.
33. Beer doesn't look you up in a month.
34. Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.
35. Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.
36. Beer doesn't get cramps.
37. Beer doesn't have a mother.
38. Beer doesn't have morals.
39. Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
40. Beer always listens and never argues.
41. Beer labels don't go out of style every year.
42. Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
43. Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
44. Beer doesn't demand legality.
45. Beer is never overweight.
46. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
47. Beer won't run off with your credit cards.
48. Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
49. Beer doesn't need much closet space.
50. Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
51. Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.
52. Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
53. Beer never changes its mind.
54. Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
55. Beer never asks you to change the station.
56. Beer doesn't make you go shopping.
57. Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
58. Beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
59. Beer is always easy to pick up.
60. Big, fat beers are nice to have.
61. Beer doesn't pout or play games.
62. Beer NEVER says no.
63. Beer is easy to get into.
64. Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
65. Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers.
66. Beer doesn't wear a bra.
67. Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.
68. Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.
69. Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
70. Beer doesn't live with its mother.
71. Beer doesn't blow you off.
72. Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
73. Beer doesn't *****, yell, or cry.
74. Beer doesn't mind football season.
75. A beer won't make you go to church.
76. A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
77. A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
78. A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
79. A beer doesn't give a toss if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
80. A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute".
81. If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
82. A beer will not call you a sexist pig
83. A beer will never make you see its parents
84. A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are ****heads.
85. A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
86. A beer will never stop you from watching Playboy.
87. A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
88. A beer won't smoke in your car.
89. A beer never watchs opera.
90. A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
91. A beer will never complain when you disobey nature.
92. A beer is always ready to leave on time.
93. A beer never fishes for compliments.
94. Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
95. Beer tastes good.
96. A beer will never accuse you of ****.
97. A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watchin.
98. An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
99. A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the store.

MarcuzZ WeReWuLvE
02-18-2010, 01:23 PM
ok....last one for today...gotta check the other inboxes...

GUYS...DO THE QUIZ! ;)



QUIZ: ARE YOU A REAL MAN? (count the number of A's or B's or C's u get)

1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:

a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:

a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don't miss SportsCenter

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

a) The best part of the experience
b) The second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:

a) No concern of yours
b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
c) A conservative estimate

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) A myth
b) An oxymoron
c) A moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

a) Appetiser is to entree
b) Priming is to painting
c) A queue is to an amusement park ride

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
b) Is uptight and a waste of time
c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place






If you answered 'A' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.

If you answered 'B' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're still a little confused.

If you answered 'C' more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go drinking.



rofl..welcome to dumpsville..population : you....ROFL.... -_^

leppykahn
02-18-2010, 02:07 PM
:rolleyes:

Men may not have the sky-high expectations of some women regarding marriage, but they have sky-high expectations in other areas. Their partner must look how they think she should look, dress how they think she should, be intelligent, confident without being demanding, let you get away with anything without "nagging" and be a nympho with a twin sister who loves to cook as well.

Heaven forbid if she likes to wear sweatpants on occasion or not like to spend hours in the kitchen.

Sheesh.

I'm sure, women have it so much worse.

Many men prefer their women to be dumb as rocks. I however, expect a woman to argue with logic the vast majority of the time, have a point that makes sense, and stay on topic (ie, well, you accidentally vomited that time back in 82' does not an argument end). If those are unreasonable expectations... you are dealing with an unreasonable person.

HE demands SHE dress a certain way? I think you are backwards on that one. And I'm pretty sure the one complaining about a wrinkled (piece of clothing), or the one belittling the selection of clothing by someone else is a woman 3/4 of the time. However, if either person suddenly stops making the effort to prepare for the other person, well, that's kind of misleading from before they were married, no? And who's to be happy with that? He always wore a suit, and now he traded that in for a holey pair of jeans, and a t-shirt he's had for 20 years. She used to dress up to go get the mail (even if nobody she knew would see her), and now she wants to wear sweats to a fancy dinner. Both are telling the other person, "I got you now, screw making the effort."

"Their partner must look how they think she should look" That explains many women changing their hair with their mood, changing their fashion every season, and guys changing their look every decade... riiight. I personally don't think it's unreasonable for either party to get upset if one person doesn't make an effort to stay in similar or better fitness than when they became married, if that's what you are talking about. Generally, physical body appearance means more to men than women.... But fashion tends to mean more to women.

"Let you get away with anything without nagging." Yeah, such trivial things are considered "ANYTHING" by the wives I know. Chew him out for 3 hours for going to play golf? She's apparently incapable of putting the toilet seat down. And it's so often horrifying that he doesn't want to spend every waking moment not at work with her or repairing things. Etc. A friend of mine says I caused his divorce because we'd made arrangements to travel together when we were going the same direction for the holidays. Those are such HUGE, LIFE, ALTERING things.

"be a nympho" And what exactly is life without sex? Why buy the cow when it will stop producing milk? Both partners, always complaining about not having sex when they are married. But upon further digging, with the people I know, the woman constantly belittles him, makes him to be some savage if he initiates when she doesn't feel like it. Apparently she wants him to continue to initiate it constantly, but not at all, and wants to be upset when he can't read her mind, but have him continue to approach constantly until she is in the mood, but certainly couldn't initiate when she is in the mood, but still wants to turn him down in rude ways when he does. Can't have it every way, sister.

Cooking, I don't know if that applies to the younger generation. Most everyone I know was single long enough that both genders know how to cook. But, I tend to think it's standardly the job of whoever isn't working, to prepare the night's meal. You could say the same about cleaning perhaps, but a news flash. Guys generally couldn't care about dust.

And who complains about sweatpants on occasion? I've heard a lot more complaints about guy's tendencies to wear socks to bed. We're taller, and a little tossing/turning means feet sticking out from under the covers, and we are used to our feet being covered.

And a totally reasonable expectation for any relationship, for the other person to NOT BE CRAZY. Yes, men are crazy too, but it's much more common in the ladies.

leppykahn
02-18-2010, 02:10 PM
no sex tonight

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because.

She asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all
dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either ;(

leppykahn
02-18-2010, 02:13 PM
It's Impossible To Please Women

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands.

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."
"Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.""Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went."

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on!"

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are f**king impossible to please."

Dragonomine
02-18-2010, 03:21 PM
I was waiting for the floor that said the men had igh paying jobs, loved kids and spent 95% of their time away from home. Perfect!

Nafiza
02-18-2010, 05:57 PM
I was waiting for the floor that said the men had igh paying jobs, loved kids and spent 95% of their time away from home. Perfect!

A high paying job and I can be home for 95% of the time? o.o; forget the men~ I'd take that job lol

Conrose
02-18-2010, 06:10 PM
I wish I had a good paying job so I can get afford my own place, get a car and go to the places I'd love to visit and see the people I haven't seen in such a long time, as well as maybe a few of my newer friends.

The economy sucks right now though.

Dragonomine
02-18-2010, 06:19 PM
My husband has a good paying job, loves our kids and will be gone for a week starting next Wed. Whoohooo! More CA playing for me!

Nafiza
02-18-2010, 06:21 PM
My husband has a good paying job, loves our kids and will be gone for a week starting next Wed. Whoohooo! More CA playing for me!

lol awww...well if you hire a maid to do the cooking and the cleaning, you can always tie the kids up, while you have your alone time to play CA ;D~

Dragonomine
02-18-2010, 06:23 PM
lol awww...well if you hire a maid to do the cooking and the cleaning, you can always tie the kids up, while you have your alone time to play CA ;D~

The kids have their own laptops to keep them occupied. All I need to do is get them up for school and shove a plate of dinner under their nose once a day. :)

Mist
02-18-2010, 06:34 PM
I feel depressed... I'd probably be in the basement of the building - has a job & doesn't like kids...

Conrose
02-18-2010, 06:41 PM
I has no job, but I like kids, want kids, but can't get a girlfriend to save my own life.

Skills include cooking and while I don't like cleaning, I will do cleaning because a mess will bother me.

LilKayla
02-18-2010, 09:41 PM
I has no job, but I like kids, want kids, but can't get a girlfriend to save my own life.

Skills include cooking and while I don't like cleaning, I will do cleaning because a mess will bother me.

have you tried a mail order online bride? Maybe one of those match making sites like eharmony?

Kizer
02-19-2010, 03:57 AM
I have a great job. I take care of my nephews and nieces, I'm a die hard romantic, cooking my girlfriend breakfast every saturday, date every saturday night, and I am able to empathize and know when to give space.

This has backfired.

I have found that I am the creator of more selfish, lazy, complainy, princesses than all the King Henrys combined.

Note to Men: The more you do, the more you're expected to. Set your expectations low, and then build from there. The worse you look from the start, the better chance you have of ending up in an equal relationship.

Conrose
02-19-2010, 04:08 AM
have you tried a mail order online bride? Maybe one of those match making sites like eharmony?

Mail order bride, no.

eHarmony, I've gotten 2 friends from there already, no thank you.

LilKayla
02-19-2010, 04:24 AM
maybe one of these two girls?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bl6RJyZdBSU

Tokolosk
02-19-2010, 04:29 AM
That is EPIC! Haha, need to get a pair of those...

blaza192
02-19-2010, 05:08 AM
By the way, my teacher says money = root of all evil; therefore, women = evil. I'm not sure if someone already pointed that out...

Tokolosk
02-19-2010, 05:15 AM
By the way, my teacher says money = root of all evil; therefore, women = evil. I'm not sure if someone already pointed that out...

I suppose you're referring to the first post in this thread? I knew it as evil too, just replace "problems" with "evil".

blaza192
02-19-2010, 05:17 AM
I was referring to that. My biology teacher showed us the exact same thing on the overhead. I have never seen the other ones before though. :eek:

LilKayla
02-19-2010, 05:20 AM
That is EPIC! Haha, need to get a pair of those...

How about a girl who is good with a ball?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqTSl4Jme0Y

Chippy
02-19-2010, 05:24 AM
How about a girl who is good with a ball?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqTSl4Jme0Y

But the question is, can she handle 2 of them? :p:D

Zidovain
02-19-2010, 09:41 AM
This has backfired.

I have found that I am the creator of more selfish, lazy, complainy, princesses than all the King Henrys combined.

Note to Men: The more you do, the more you're expected to. Set your expectations low, and then build from there. The worse you look from the start, the better chance you have of ending up in an equal relationship.

Very True! and i know exactly what you are talking about. :D once you do something really sweet and nice, they would expect a habit out of that. and if you fail at it.. LOL! she'll be nagging all day! :D

Zidovain
02-19-2010, 09:49 AM
and ZIDO...found one more! heheh...here we goooooooo : (ones in red are my favs)


Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ---> AHAHAHA ...luvz it luvz ittt!!!

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her. --> LOL! Too funny!

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a wedding cake.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me,"What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
--> Haha! Yes it surely does!!

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." --> LOL, \lol and LOL!

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. --> this is a very effective way of rememberring her b-day! she will make sure you wont forget it! ever!:D

Great post! Great for laughs! Perfect for chaining! :D

Zidovain
02-19-2010, 09:53 AM
But the question is, can she handle 2 of them? :p:D

LOL! 2 of them and SHINY! :D

Reminds me of dave chappells "botox balls"... "they're as smooth as eggs!"

Lady MousePotato
02-19-2010, 06:05 PM
I have found that I am the creator of more selfish, lazy, complainy, princesses than all the King Henrys combined.


Okay, I'm just going to ignore most of the bitterness in this thread, but I have to ask to which King Henry are you referring? I mean, my mind immediately goes to the father of Mary and Elizabeth (who were hardly pampered little darlings), but then I know more British history than any other nationality.

Kizer
02-20-2010, 03:17 AM
Okay, I'm just going to ignore most of the bitterness in this thread, but I have to ask to which King Henry are you referring? I mean, my mind immediately goes to the father of Mary and Elizabeth (who were hardly pampered little darlings), but then I know more British history than any other nationality.

I said all King Henrys combined. I picked a random king name. Since kings make princesses.

It wasn't specifically bitter. Though I see how it sounds it. It's more a warning of the nature of women.

dragonlady67
02-20-2010, 03:24 AM
LOL! so what did he say? :D

he thought it was funny as h*ll!

Conrose
02-20-2010, 03:25 AM
Okay, I'm just going to ignore most of the bitterness in this thread, but I have to ask to which King Henry are you referring? I mean, my mind immediately goes to the father of Mary and Elizabeth (who were hardly pampered little darlings), but then I know more British history than any other nationality.

When your mother is killed while you are young by your father, and later imprisoned by your sister (Who receives a nickname that includes "Bloody" in it mind you)... and then have probably half the known world bearing down on you after dealing with that... you really don't come off as "Pampered", lol.

Mega-Douche
02-20-2010, 03:26 AM
Women are venomous hounds from Hell that leach men of their spirits.

Whenever a man gets married he is a shadow of his former self.

Lessian
02-20-2010, 04:39 AM
They misogyny in this thread is getting scary.

"Warning on the nature of women"....do people really believe they can categorize half the population of the world as being one way?


And by the way...it is Queens that make Princesses. ;)

Conrose
02-20-2010, 04:55 AM
They misogyny in this thread is getting scary.

"Warning on the nature of women"....do people really believe they can categorize half the population of the world as being one way?

It's the women's conspiracy to confuse man by making them try to focus on some generalization.

Lessian
02-20-2010, 05:12 AM
Then it's working 'cause you all seem quite confused. :p

Conrose
02-20-2010, 05:21 AM
Then it's working 'cause you all seem quite confused. :p

I'm onto you, I'm not shackled by a relationship yet, I'm still of free will!!!

Zidovain
02-20-2010, 05:45 AM
Women are venomous hounds from Hell that leach men of their spirits.

Whenever a man gets married he is a shadow of his former self.

ROFLMFAO!

Dude i was just waiting for you to say something in this thread! The things you say -- its too funny its almost ridiculous! :D

LilKayla
02-20-2010, 06:14 AM
I will wrap you all around my finger till you have no free will and will do as I wish when I wish. :)

leppykahn
02-20-2010, 08:16 AM
They misogyny in this thread is getting scary.

"Warning on the nature of women"....do people really believe they can categorize half the population of the world as being one way?


And by the way...it is Queens that make Princesses. ;)

Point me to the exceptions... My experience is that the exceptions prefer the company of men and/or were considerably closer to their father.

Tom boys, the evolution of women.

Angelo
02-20-2010, 08:31 AM
http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs261.ash1/18872_1382958173766_1226326506_1132856_4476461_n.j pg


Lol wat@thread

Zidovain
02-20-2010, 01:07 PM
http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs261.ash1/18872_1382958173766_1226326506_1132856_4476461_n.j pg


Lol wat@thread

is that look of satisfaction on the mans face? she looks pretty satisfied to me.. :D

Peace out ladies. :p

Tokolosk
02-20-2010, 01:24 PM
Maybe they're both satisfied? Could be their fetish...

Arctic Wolf
02-20-2010, 01:41 PM
Maybe they're both satisfied? Could be their fetish...

that would only be the tip of the iceberg with what sorta fetishes are out there sadly enough :rolleyes:

MarcuzZ WeReWuLvE
02-20-2010, 02:22 PM
Women's Training Courses

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1.

Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People>
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only



The Women's Dictionary

1.Fine
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. Incidentally, never use the word "fine" to describe how she looks. It will lead to one of the arguments mentioned above.

2. Five minutes
These words actually mean half an hour. It is the equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. Nothing
The word "nothing" means something and you should be on your guard immediately on hearing it uttered. It is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" is signal for an argument that will last "five minutes" and end with the word "fine".

4. Go Ahead (Raised eyebrow)
Said in conjunction with raised eyebrows, it actually means the opposite. The words "go ahead" are not permission to do something; on the contrary it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "fine."

5. Go Ahead (Normal eyebrow)
Said in conjunction with normal eyebrows, it should not be confused with the granting of permission either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". It is normally precedes by a few seconds a raised eyebrow and the words "go ahead", followed by "nothing" and "fine". She will speak to you again in about "five minutes" when she cools off.

6. Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but it is an important form of communication between a man and woman. It is also very frequently misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing"!

7. Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a statement. "Soft sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. Oh
This word - followed by any statement - heralds big trouble. For example, "Oh, I spoke to him about what you were up to last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, just run - do not walk. She will tell you that she is "fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days.

9. That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's okay" is often used in conjunction with the word "fine" and a raised eye browed "Go ahead". Don't be fooled, once she has had time to plan
it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's okay."

11. Thanks
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome".

12. Thanks A Lot
Thanks a lot" is dramatically different from "thanks". A woman will say "thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "loud sigh". This signifies that you have hurt her in some way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh," as she will only tell you "nothing".

Zidovain
02-20-2010, 02:26 PM
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

LOL! I havent read the entire post but this one already got ne laughing! :p

Zidovain
02-20-2010, 02:35 PM
@ Marcuzz - That was too funny! That dictionary could really come in handy. :D

dragonlady67
02-20-2010, 03:55 PM
[QUOTE=leppykahn;506224]I can see what you are saying mostly. So few long term couples around me who truly seem happy. People are bossy and hard to live with. And the expectations are sky-high, especially from the woman's side. And even in a relationship, so many seem to think you shouldn't do anything without the other person. Where I think the reason so many fail is simply because they don't get a break from each other that isn't somehow tied to work. How is it the end of the world if she has a "girls night out" or he goes golfing with his friends or watches football on Sunday.QUOTE]

Agree. Married 15 yr.s and i tell him to go out with the guys-golf, riding, beer. Even strip clubs as long as no touching. he does cycle rides for charities - with me and without sometimes. I think u can have 1 hobby together but mostly separate hobbies. Helps to remind u that u miss this person when away and takes care of too much time together.

no rugrats for us, just 2 cats, dog, parrot. :D Love it that way.

dragonlady67
02-20-2010, 04:18 PM
My hubby got this one in his email from a friend. 2funny:


Politically Correct Descriptions For Men


He does not have a BEER GUT.
He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a BAD DANCER.
He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME.
He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He is not BALDING.
He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER.
He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK.
He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS.
He develops a case of RECTAL-**** INVERSION.

He is not a SEX MACHINE.
He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG.
He has SWINE EMPATHY.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT.
He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES.
He has an INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC MOMENT.

dragonlady67
02-20-2010, 04:21 PM
Men Are Like...

... Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

... Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

... Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.

... Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

... Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

... Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

... Curling Irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

... Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.

... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

... Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

... Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Daenerys Targaryen
02-20-2010, 04:23 PM
heh... lol... rofl... roflmao... rofflmfao!!!

Kizer
02-20-2010, 04:35 PM
He is not a BAD DANCER.
He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.



As an irishman I take specific offense to this. We can dance. We can just only do it with the lower half of our bodies. The upper part must remain still because all it's energy is going to the lower half.

*riverdances*

..

*then does a jig*

Conrose
02-20-2010, 04:49 PM
Haha, I'm NA enough to be able to Grass Dance ^_^

"
... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small."

So I guess I'm not a good one :'(

flyingsausage
02-20-2010, 04:53 PM
If women were REALLY treated equally, I would knock my boss' teeth out on monday. :D

LilKayla
02-20-2010, 05:28 PM
Men Are Like...

LOL! I loved that list

Kizer
02-20-2010, 06:14 PM
If women were REALLY treated equally, I would knock my boss' teeth out on monday. :D

If they were really treated truly equal, I know five or six women who would be in jail for domestic disturbance issues.

And I wouldn't be watching the women at my job get paid the same as me to file their nails, then ask me to lift things for them because, "It's too heavy, I can't be expected to do that. Men are built differently." then listen to them an hour later, "There is no difference between men and women. You're damn right we deserve equal pay"

Mist
02-20-2010, 08:19 PM
Then listen to them an hour later, "There is no difference between men and women. You're damn right we deserve equal pay"

I just want to say that it was recently reported, that as of 2009, women in the IT field actually make more on average than men currently. This is true for a handful of other industries as well, so stop complaining about how you don't get equal wages...

Zidovain
02-20-2010, 10:06 PM
Men Are Like...

... Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.

... Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.


I actually find some humor in these ;)

Lessian
02-20-2010, 11:32 PM
I'm onto you, I'm not shackled by a relationship yet, I'm still of free will!!!

Resistance is futile. ;)




Point me to the exceptions... My experience is that the exceptions prefer the company of men and/or were considerably closer to their father.

Tom boys, the evolution of women.

I'm not sure what you expect me to say...you say point you to the exceptions and then explain some exceptions yourself.





All women aren't one way, all men aren't another. Some women don't talk a lot, some men like to cook and clean. Some women aren't slavering after marriage, some men are. Some women like sex a lot more frequently then men do.

I am not surprised that the men who have such a negative view of our sex are unhappy in relationships. You're getting what you expect to get. Maybe you should search out nice women rather than lump us all together and take the cold comfort about being "right" as to how we're all awful.

I enjoy some of the diagrams, etc. here, but some of the statements...wow.

MarcuzZ WeReWuLvE
02-21-2010, 06:49 AM
haha..found summore....this was one the classics from way b4.... glad i still got it stashed...


THE MAN RULES:

We always hear"the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

(Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!)



1.Men are NOT mind readers.

1.. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down..
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.It can't be altered so just leave it be.

1. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Most guys own 2 or 3 pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair out of 30 would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us...

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine..Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as FOOTBALL or motor sports

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

1. Your mum doesn't have to be our best friend.



Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.






BEING A GUY IS TOPS BECAUSE :

Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.

Your orgasms are real. Always.

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting shagged.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 'Nuff said...

You don't give a f**k if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.

Hot wax never comes near your pubes.

Wrinkles add character.

A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

**** films are designed with you in mind.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"

You can appreciate great sport.

You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.

One mood, ALL the time.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.

You can go to a public toilet without a support group.

You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming.

You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hour without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

You don't mooch off other's desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

If another bloke shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Same job .... . more pay.

The world is your urinal


ill post more as i get em...heh...enjoy~! Wonder how many eye rolls occurred during the course of reading this post....aaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahah!

Daenerys Targaryen
02-22-2010, 06:51 AM
Lol, very nice. I keep those in mind personally. I'm not a normal kinda girl though. I dislike watching sports on T.V., that is why I bought 2. Emotions are fluid, no reason to be ruled by them. In anycase, good post.

Zidovain
02-22-2010, 10:58 AM
@ marcuzz - great post! LOL!


The world is your urinal I might even include this in my sig :D

MarcuzZ WeReWuLvE
02-22-2010, 11:46 AM
hahaha.. HEAR HEAR!

*runs to a silent corner n raises a hindleg* *whistle* heheheh

Conrose
02-22-2010, 12:22 PM
Resistance is futile. ;)

Hey, I'm not single by choice, I've been trying to get shackled to a relationship but it never works out.

LilKayla
02-22-2010, 04:05 PM
Hey, I'm not single by choice, I've been trying to get shackled to a relationship but it never works out.

unfortunately for you, most girls can smell desperation.

Conrose
02-22-2010, 04:48 PM
unfortunately for you, most girls can smell desperation.

Soon the tables shall be turned as the world finds itself shackled to the iron grip of my tyrannical rule, and I shall be the one person who in the world who isn't desperate. No, I shall be contended sitting upon my throne in the depths of Siberia snacking on Doritos as I purge the world of dissenters while oppressing the rest.

Cool Ranch is the best!

Nafiza
02-22-2010, 04:58 PM
Soon the tables shall be turned as the world finds itself shackled to the iron grip of my tyrannical rule, and I shall be the one person who in the world who isn't desperate. No, I shall be contended sitting upon my throne in the depths of Siberia snacking on Doritos as I purge the world of dissenters while oppressing the rest.

Cool Ranch is the best!

o.o unless you want female slaves...you'd still be lonely [and paranoid] lol~ if you do take over the world, and find a girl because of it, its mostly because she wants your power.

Lena Gkika
02-22-2010, 05:04 PM
o.o unless you want female slaves...you'd still be lonely [and paranoid] lol~ if you do take over the world, and find a girl because of it, its mostly because she wants your power.

..or straighten his hair LOL..he can always take Mega Douche to entertain him though :D I also hear people started marrying AI ladies in Japan :rolleyes:

Nafiza
02-22-2010, 05:06 PM
..or straighten his hair LOL..he can always take Mega Douche to entertain him though :D I also hear people started marrying AI ladies in Japan :rolleyes:

o.o; lol AI women?? Must be because all the Japanese women are being taken by American men with Asian-women-fetishes lol. ;D Although I wouldn't mind a robot slave. Someone just needs to build me one lol

Lena Gkika
02-22-2010, 05:10 PM
would Jude Law suffice as model? he already knows the part anyway :P

btw i wasn't making it up:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6718706/Japanese-man-marries-computer-game-character.html

Mega-Douche
02-22-2010, 05:12 PM
When a man first engages in a relationship, one that he puts his heart into, the woman will EAT HIS SOUL, and so a man-harlot is born.

10 years later the woman will be like "oh man, I shouldn't have violated our relationship, take me back!". The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the *****s will look up and shout "Save us!"... and you'll look down and whisper "no".


All women are looking for an upgrade at all times. You can't control anyone; people will do as they please.

Conrose
02-22-2010, 05:12 PM
o.o unless you want female slaves...you'd still be lonely [and paranoid] lol~ if you do take over the world, and find a girl because of it, its mostly because she wants your power.

First off, I'll have Doritos so I'll be set for life, second off, I won't have female slaves... what's sex without love.

Third off, and most importantly... when I say "I'd offer you the world!!!", I'd actually, literally would mean it, lol.


..or straighten his hair LOL..he can always take Mega Douche to entertain him though :D I also hear people started marrying AI ladies in Japan :rolleyes:

I say no to MD, and didn't I say that I associate the Japanese with the weirdest fetishes before?

Mega-Douche
02-22-2010, 05:17 PM
o.o; lol AI women?? Must be because all the Japanese women are being taken by American men with Asian-women-fetishes lol. ;D Although I wouldn't mind a robot slave. Someone just needs to build me one lol

You know what sucks about having an Asian girlfriend? Everyone thinks I'm a white perverted guy with an Asian Fetish. Truth is, I'm willing to bone down with any ethnic/racial background that I find hot and secksy.

And then people are all like "dude, you sleep with an Asian girl exclusively, you MUST have a fetish"

Nah bro, I sleep with an Asian girl exclusively because I am in a monogamous relationship

POST EDIT: but as my dad-who-never-raised-me-but-e-mailed-me-shortly-after-I-turned-18 told me: you have friends and you have friend that you bone. Don't expect much out of them.

Lena Gkika
02-22-2010, 05:27 PM
First off, I'll have Doritos so I'll be set for life, second off, I won't have female slaves... what's sex without love.

Third off, and most importantly... when I say "I'd offer you the world!!!", I'd actually, literally would mean it, lol.



I say no to MD, and didn't I say that I associate the Japanese with the weirdest fetishes before?

you can always go for a marathon then :
http://files.posterous.com/shareables/omCaCaBhhlwcJpCdhAmvvHuxagAFlhDcjoBkezarobtshBnjxn mFcncvldtc/media_http9gagcomphot_HGDIk.jpg.scaled500.jpg?AWSA ccessKeyId=1C9REJR1EMRZ83Q7QRG2&Expires=1266863491&Signature=rdlwBlXGW/5qzmUXf1taM1W6vRA%3D

Mega-Douche
02-22-2010, 05:28 PM
Epic. Heroic. NICE.

Valiant Flame
02-23-2010, 02:15 AM
Cool Ranch is the best!

Um, NACHO CHEESE FTW

riskmanager
02-23-2010, 02:22 AM
There is definately some truth to those photos. Good job!

Sephiroth144
02-23-2010, 02:35 AM
First off, I'll have Doritos so I'll be set for life, second off, I won't have female slaves... what's sex without love.
...

Assuming you're doing it right, great exercise and very, very fun :cool:

Zidovain
02-24-2010, 12:24 AM
There is definately some truth to those photos. Good job!

Im sure everybody can relate to those. ;)

Zidovain
02-24-2010, 12:31 AM
You know what sucks about having an Asian girlfriend? Everyone thinks I'm a white perverted guy with an Asian Fetish. Truth is, I'm willing to bone down with any ethnic/racial background that I find hot and secksy.

And then people are all like "dude, you sleep with an Asian girl exclusively, you MUST have a fetish"

Nah bro, I sleep with an Asian girl exclusively because I am in a monogamous relationship

POST EDIT: but as my dad-who-never-raised-me-but-e-mailed-me-shortly-after-I-turned-18 told me: you have friends and you have friend that you bone. Don't expect much out of them.


You're dad was right. Friends for boning are just good as it is. Its good enough to screw their brains out, put some emotion to it and you're the one who gets screwed.

BTW, when you say ASIAN fetish why does it usually pertain to if not always to japanese/korean women?

Mega-Douche
02-24-2010, 03:25 PM
You're dad was right. Friends for boning are just good as it is. Its good enough to screw their brains out, put some emotion to it and you're the one who gets screwed.

BTW, when you say ASIAN fetish why does it usually pertain to if not always to japanese/korean women?

I've only ever dated one Asian, so I guess it pertains to if not always a Korean woman.

Zidovain
02-26-2010, 07:42 AM
http://i45.tinypic.com/2mer5ar.jpg

Zidovain
02-26-2010, 11:18 PM
What is the punishment for bigamy? :rolleyes:


-- 2 Mothers in-law! :D

Tokolosk
02-27-2010, 12:44 AM
What is the punishment for bigamy? :rolleyes:


-- 2 Mothers in-law! :D

If they're hot marry them too?

Zidovain
03-03-2010, 06:04 AM
http://img2.pict.com/b8/ac/f7/85cdf1c5cc88780629e2cb862f/gHCdm/girls10.jpg